The twitching wires of my brain strain for each other
Determined to make contact
Sparks ignite but quiver and give out
This mad cycle
Thoughts and thoughts in my head
I cannot seem to get a hold of one, just one, and focus
Focus. Impossible
What do I want out of this?
What is owed me?
Don’t I owe it to myself?
Wandering thoughts tumbling down the stairwell of my mind
Mouth open but tongue unable to form words
Throat protesting as it is constantly failed by a mute tongue
Prayers started that never reach completion
Desires expressed immediately succeeded by darkness
At sea, Sabotage-self? Destruction
What is owed me?
Don’t I owe it to myself?
Concentrate. Get a grip.
Perhaps I have lost it. Hope
Hope of ever regaining said grip
Perhaps holding on is costing too much
Perhaps I’d better let go
Perhaps peace will be found
If we just roam the crevices of my mind
Don’t I owe it to myself to find peace?
My Locust mind hopping from thought to thought
as if from ear of corn to ear of corn
spoilt for choice
wrecking havoc
my confusion subtle as a clap of tropical thunder
forcing me to shut my eyes
weighted down by the pressure of my stupidity
Bad decision after bad decision
Screaming into the pillow night after night
Is no action little one
A lost wanderer is not who I want to be
Has anything ever really been owed me?
Don’t I owe it to myself to find purpose?
How can I be my own dead end?
Jayne Rone
Jayne writes poems but doesn’t consider herself a poet- yet. She is the 2021 winner of the Tony Tokunbo Fernandez International Online Poetry Competition. She has a Bachelors in law from Igbinedion University and an MBA in Finance from the University of Derby. She rarely lawyers these days as she is currently dipping her toes in the world of finance. She resides in the UK with her husband and when she isn’t reading or writing in her favourite coffee shop, she spends most of her time traveling, cooking and finding the utmost pleasure in the simple things.
- Jayne Rone#molongui-disabled-link
- Jayne Rone#molongui-disabled-link
- Jayne Rone#molongui-disabled-link
- Jayne Rone#molongui-disabled-link
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This emotive poem vividly portray the chaotic inner world of someone grappling with overwhelming thoughts, emotional fatigue, and a desperate need for clarity and peace. Majorly, the speaker’s mind resembles a malfunctioning circuit—”twitching wires” and “sparks” that never quite connect— that suggests an intense mental struggle where thoughts arise only to fizzle out before they can be processed. The repetition of questions like “What is owed me?” and “Don’t I owe it to myself?” reveals a growing self-awareness but also a deep sense of confusion and disillusionment. The speaker is clearly not just asking rhetorical questions but confronting their own lack of fulfillment and purpose. Imagery like the “locust mind” and “wandering thoughts tumbling down the stairwell” evoke a restless, scattered psyche, plagued by indecision and regret. These metaphors humanize the experience of mental overload, making it relatable for anyone who has ever felt lost in their own thoughts. Despite the despair, there is a subtle yearning for resolution—whether through peace, purpose, or simply being heard. The poems don’t offer neat answers, but they powerfully capture the raw vulnerability of someone on the edge of self-discovery, wrestling with the uncomfortable but necessary questions of self-worth and identity.