WRONG TIMING

THE FIRST NEAR ATTEMPT

“Let’s break up.”

That is exactly what I would have said if the timing was perfect. However, right now, we’re having ice cream with fries and watching Olisa’s favourite series and I would be a horrible person to ruin one of his favourite activities for him.

So I stay silent, praying for the right opportunity to present itself one day so that I would end this as amicably as possible.

Olisa must feel my stare because he slightly turns toward me, pointing an ice-cream coated fry at me. “Boom.”

My smile is accompanied with an eye roll as I scoff in faux exasperation at his antics. “Dork.”

“You good?” he asks as he bites into his fry and I nod, turning my attention back to the screen and nibbling on my own fry.

“I’m good.”

I’m good.

THE SECOND NEAR ATTEMPT

The next time I get the confidence to bring up the topic of a breakup, Olisa wouldn’t reply to my texts to meet up at our favourite restaurant. So I head over to his place because that’s unusual behaviour from him.

No matter how busy he is, Olisa always replies to me. Or at least lets me know he can’t talk at that moment, but he always calls me back when he’s free.

So, it’s odd when I don’t get a reply from him all day.

When I arrive at the apartment complex he stays at in Maitama, there’s that serenity that always accompanies me the moment I step through the gate.

The kind-faced gateman greets me in a mock salute, maintaining his serious composure for a few seconds before he breaks the act. I laugh, reaching into my bag to present the chin-chin I had in my bag since I have no desire to eat it. He accepts it with loud praises that embarrasses me because one would think I paid off his debt or bought him a new car.

“Shey oga go soon come?” he asks as I’m about to head inside and I frown, stepping back.

“Oga no dey house?”

“For two days now, I never see am.” he replies, tearing open the plastic chinchin wrap and pouring a generous quantity into his mouth. “I think na…” he pauses in thought as he chews. “…Wednesday evening wey he rush comot. I never see am again since then for my own time wey I dey work.”

I thank the gateman and whip out my phone to call Olisa again, heading into the building. It keeps ringing with no answer, and right there I get a thought that makes me feel absolutely horrible.

Please, let it be infidelity. It would be easier to break up with him if it is.

The thought appalls me however, because, even if I break things off with Olisa, I don’t want it to be on bad terms. I still want to be good friends with him.

Olisa and I are a product of friends who were curious about the possibility of being more than they were, and went on ahead to test it out.

It took only a month for me to realize that we definitely were better off as friends. Only, I never raised this with Olisa because he’s a great person, a good person who I know and can feel absolutely loves me.

So I waited.

I waited because I wanted to see whether a little more time would make some changes. It’s been a year and a few months and I still feel the same.

I still am convinced that I want Olisa as my best friend, with no romantic ties. He deserves someone who can love him as much as I know he loves me.

And I can’t be that.

When I get to his apartment, I input the code with my phone still pressed against my ear, calling his number. Faint sounds of music come from inside the house and I frown. It stops when my phone disconnects. I call his number again and the music starts up again, so I trace it.

I’m inside his room and it’s closer now, coming from the en-suite toilet. I trace it there, and truly, Olisa’s phone is there on the sink. His phone is right there but there is no sign of him anywhere.

With a quick sweep of his apartment, I discover more oddities. Like some ingredients in the kitchen taken out of their rightful places, like he was getting ready to cook a meal. Or his laptop charging in the living room, which is unusual because Olisa works remotely and would always need his devices with him if he’s away from home.

That’s when I start to panic. I genuinely panic because what happened? It’s an hour later when I finally get hold of Kamsi, Olisa’s younger sister, after several attempts to reach his family, that I find out everything.

Two days ago, Olisa got a call that his mother had passed.

In a disoriented state of mind, Olisa left on Wednesday evening, only to get into a car accident on his way to the airport. And currently, he’s hospitalized.

Right there, in the middle of Olisa’s living room, I break down.

Just an hour ago, I was selfishly hoping he could give me a reason to break things up, to the extent of disrespecting his love for me and hoping for infidelity on his part.

I am the absolute worst.

THE THIRD NEAR ATTEMPT

“Let’s break up.”

There. I said it.

However, as I stare into the mirror at my reflection, I realize this would definitely be harder to say in person. Because when’s a worse time to break things off with your boyfriend than when you two are in Bali for a vacation?

It’s been six months since the passing of Olisa’s mother. Six months of me squashing all thoughts of breaking things off at this vulnerable period of his life. Six months of convincing myself that I can still try to fall in love.

No progress in that. So I have decided to just do it.

Horrible timing, yes, because we still have a week left in our month-long vacation, but if not now, when? Immediately after our vacation? Then I would also postpone it because the timing is “not right”. And after that, something else would come up, all with the wrong timing.

I probably won’t be as direct as I’ve been thinking. I would definitely talk it out with him, tell him why I feel it isn’t working out but how I still appreciate him in my life.

I can do this.

So with a breath and an exhale, I pick up the fresh yellow plumeria flower and stick it behind my ear, styling my braids around it. Today, we’re heading to a waterfall in the jungle as one of the activities for the
afternoon, and then, after that, go to explore the local spots in the village we’re residing at.

So I plan it out. I’ll tell him that I have something to discuss after the waterfall activities then during the exploration, we’ll talk.

That is the plan.

And that is still the plan as we take turns jumping from safe heights into the water with the friendly locals. Still, the plan when we’re done and about to leave.

However, I still could not get myself to bring up the conversation.

I’m still contemplating as Olisa and I walk hand in hand through the narrow streets of Sudaji Village, trying some street foods and striking conversations with locals. This isn’t right, I think as we get to the beach. I have to bring it up now. Rip the bandaid in one quick, swift motion.

And so I decide. But Olisa speaks up.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” he asks and I take in a breath, glancing at him before looking to the sea, glistening orange as the sun sets.

“It is.”

“Not as beautiful as you, sha,” he flirts and I roll my eyes with a smile about to speak but he beats me to it. “Dork. Right?”

“Right.”

“I don’t know how I would pull through life without you,” he suddenly sighs and I look at him, my heart twinging with pain. “I honestly don’t know.”

I would be the devil incarnate to bring it up now. I can’t. I–

Olisa suddenly goes on one knee and my eyes widen as he rummages through his pocket before procuring a little blue box.

No.

He smiles as he opens the box, revealing a silver ring tucked in it. “Diane Chetachukwu Ani.”

No. My breath hitches before picking up, quicker, and quicker and quicker. This can’t be happening.

Olisa looks up at me, ethereal in the light of the sunset, with a smile that could probably light up a whole city as he asks me the words that he should not, cannot, be asking me now.

“Will you marry me?”

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