A SONG OF SOBS AND GRIEF

Every part of my body broke into a sob
because I was not coming together
I was coming apart.
I was as thin as a reed
and addicted to weed
at sunset, I would watch pigeons flit from
roof to roof, and wish
I was freed.
freed from the jaws of darkness that ate
my dreams,
freed from the hungry silence that swallowed
my screams
freed from my own rib cage
that had become a bird cage
where I languished in murky memories
and dark days beyond dawn.

before this, I was like a coal train when I spoke,
effusing clouds of cigarette smoke
Lost among the streets of Lagos,
from hotel to motel
from brothel to hostel
I looked for whores to rent me their wombs
to remember my mother’s own
her womb was the womb of the neighborhood
her umbilical cords were an endless spool
and her children could make a school.
I was also like a book burnt in flames, washed in mud
scattered to the wind
trying to find its way to the shelf
a corrupted soul saving himself,
a slave trying to find his freedom
by turning his mind into a mausoleum.

I had no home,
not after my family spat me
like dog vomit. I sought refuge
behind bars, beneath cars
and when I was high enough,
among stars
I loved counting scars
from the blows of a street fight,
walking up and down the road of Aduke’s thighs
under the streetlight
or making my home inside her skinny body.

I was not going anywhere
I was going astray
I watched my dreams become white crumbs
in the ashtray,
rolled my life in paper and ignited the tip
spent my life buying every intoxicating sip.
I had frequent vacations to the cell
where mosquitoes visited from hell
wardens became my landlords in jail
soon Aduke stopped paying my bail,
and stopped paying me attention
so I started to sing a dirge for myself,
a song of sobs and grief.

In detention,
I became a shadow etched
on the cell wall
pissing at a rusty bucket and missing
making anthills out of shit
and watching the world leave me behind.

Taiwo Adewuyi

Adewuyi Taiwo holds a Bachelor's degree in Geology. He lives in Ibadan, Nigeria, where he enjoys reading and writing poems. His reading interests range from the Bible to creative nonfiction. His recent publications can be found in the Kalahari review, Brittle Paper and Punocracy.